The Crapspotter would like to sincerely apologize for his lack of recent reviews. He genuinely hopes that this irresponsible, and frankly unacceptable, dearth of reporting didn't leave anyone (or anything) hanging. He would also like to thank everyone for their letters of concern, and assure each and every one of you that congestion at the tunnel was not an issue. Rest assured, postings aren't the only thing that have dropped!
That said, Hello Venice Beach Port-O-Potties! Located where Venice Blvd. hits the beach, these nomadic outposts of poo are the bomb! Immaculately maintained and serviced, when I entered my personal temple I was instantly greeted with the sweet smell of jasmine (hibiscus?) air freshener. Need I say, delightful?! Gazing into the azure blue, possibly chemically-treated pond below, I spotted nary a wayward turtle and was relieved to know my little guppies would grow and thrive in relative safety.
Toilet paper was as abundant as bandwagon Chicago Bears fans, and I treated myself to four wide-open passes right up the middle. If this wasn't gracious enough, upon exiting this Holy Sepulchre of Shty I was tickled pink to discover a sink of clean, fresh-flowing water to cleanse and baptize my now sullied hands. Not to mention soap and paper towels! Are you kidding me? The Rose Bowl Ports-of-Pestilence didn't even have toilet paper and the Venice Beach ones rival those of Burke Williams? Oh well, the god of the light brown goo giveth, and he taketh away. But today he giveth and for this I am thankful!
As of this posting, wait time is <1 minute.
2 comments:
Dear Crap Spotter...
When most people speak about their defecation, I find it disgusting and wrong, but for some reason, your command of prose turns shit into poetry.
Unfortunately, I live in San Francisco and rarely come to the Venice Beach area, so I may never experience this utopian crapper.
And even when I am in Venice Beach, there's really no promise that I may conjur up enough human waste in my small intestine to assure a healthy crap.
But I do appreciate you throwing down your lavatory learnings and your toilet truths.
Man, I wish I had to use the restroom now, but alas, I don't. I'm afraid that I'm done for the day. Maybe a pee later, but it's really not the same.
You inspire me Crap Spotter. Plain and simple...you inspire me.
-Your #1 Fan
Dear #1 Fan,
I'm blushing.
You complete me.
xoxo,
The Crapspotter
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