Avalon Hotel -- Beverly Hills

As promised, the traveling crap show is back.

Last night I went out to the 90210 to meet a friend for pre-poker drinks and a bite to eat. After a plate of marcona almonds, assorted olives, half a burrata flatbread, some spicy chinese-esque chicken, and ceviche on potato chips, I knew the third act was almost upon me. Not quite ready to go, I did a reconnaisance run to the john to prepare for a future drop off.

With pleasant recessed lighting and inviting, warm orange'ish tiles, I felt instantly at home and so did my sphincter. I settled into the stall earlier than expected, disappointed that I didn't have the foresight to grab a paper or magazine from the front desk. The high fiber nuts mixed with the seafood provided all the combustion I needed and I was out of there unexpectedly quickly. Kind of a bummer as the zen atmosphere clearly agreed with me.

On the way out, I was pleasantly surprised by the premium white mulberry hand soap. All in all, this place is quite a find. More of a destination shitter than a casual drop off, but definitely worth the trip.

Mea Crappa

Dear fellow shitters,

Please accept my humblest apologies for my absence. It has been far too long and my remorse runs as deep as my runs.

I only realized how important this site was when I was at the Borders Books here at the 3rd St. Promenade just the other day. It was then that a harried, middle-aged woman rushed in, asking where the bathrooms were. The disinterested employee on hand curtly replied that they were out of order, and went back to alphabetizing, or whatever it is they do there. This poor woman was dying. Like a crap-filled Violet Beauregarde, I could see that her head was about to explode from poop.

And so I did what I do best, and calmly directed her to the Old Navy across the street where two perfectly acceptable bathrooms reside on the second floor, just left of the elevators. If this woman wasn't about to burst from feces, she would have hugged me on the spot. BUT THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE! Another Borders customer heard my sage advice and thanked me as well. It would come in handy, he said. And that's when it struck me. "Crapspotting," is an allegedly humorous blog, but it's way more than that. It's a true public service. There are not nearly enough quality public restrooms in this world, the least we can all do as benevolent human beings is to share our knowledge. After all, knowledge is power. And power is being able to poop in peace. Conversely, by way of Modus Tollens, this may very well also mean that peace is poop masquerading as power. But I flunked logic in college, so don't hold me to that.

LET'S DO THIS, PEOPLE! POOP AWAY! SHARE THE KNOWLEDGE! WASH YOUR HANDS!